Breaking: The Smell of Books Found to be Highly Addictive Drug

I confess. I’ve been sniffing–er, I mean reading–books for years.

Going cold turkey. Got a Nook and an iPad. Got a support group. But can’t bear to give up old copies of Lord of the Rings and The Name of the Wind.

Charlotte Cuevas

Have you recently noticed a heightened interest in literature among friends who are otherwise dumb as stumps? Do you have a son or daughter who suddenly thinks reading is cool? You may be surprised to learn that researchers have discovered a highly addictive drug contained in the scent of books.

The drug, dubiously dubbed ‘The Bookworm’ is a hallucinogenic mixture which causes those who inhale it to experience a temporary high followed by an inflated ego, nonsensical rambling, and delusions of grandeur. The most potent strains are found in works such as those by Faulkner, Nietzsche, and Tolstoy, with larger doses being found in larger volumes. The discovery of the drug, a long-held underground secret, is causing quite a stir within the nation.

“I shoulda known it was drugs in there,” says one local man. “All these hipsters runnin’ around in their tweed jackets carryin’ stacks of books, but they…

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One thought on “Breaking: The Smell of Books Found to be Highly Addictive Drug

  1. Ha, I’ve been addicted since I was three years old. Amazing I’m still on the planet.

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